5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
