dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
