A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
