There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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