did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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