Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
