and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
