you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
