Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
