this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
