Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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