My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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