Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
