At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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