you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
