I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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