I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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