Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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