First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
