She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
