haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
