uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
