3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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