There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
