therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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