I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
