Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
