he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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