did you get engaged???
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
