just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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