Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
