There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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