How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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