Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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