Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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