i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My breasts were aching with rage.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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