Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
