Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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