and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
