Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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