I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
