Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
