My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
