He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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