Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
