You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
