Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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