i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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