Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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