I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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