hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
