i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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